To those of you who are still listening,
It’s around March each year that I look at myself in the mirror and just sigh.
I’m one of those people who go to bed each night with overwhelming motivation to “just do 10 press-ups each morning to get me back on track”. Then each morning, like clockwork, I wake up and have that silent agreement with myself to just not mention it and continue with my bacon sandwich.
I read that you get this bedtime motivation because your brain knows damn well it’s not going to happen right now and can deal with it in the morning, where it also won’t happen. Clever brain.
So to spite myself I went ahead and joined the gym.
A friend of mine was incredibly excited about this news, as this means he now has a young padawan to enforce techniques and increase ego upon. I was happy to oblige as I truly had no idea what I was doing.
It turns out that it’s pretty easy. It’s a lot of looking at your phone and flexing in the mirror mainly. The key is to have as many conversations with others about “what they bench” without actually having to lift anything at all. Then before you know it, it’s been a “great sesh” and home you go where again you have that silent agreement with yourself to just not mention the fact that you are wasting your money and not actually losing any weight.
You’re just left to wallow in what is the empty satisfaction that you are at least a member of a gym and even have the card to prove it!