My problem with fitness today

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To those of you who are still listening,

It’s around March each year that I look at myself in the mirror and just sigh.

I’m one of those people who go to bed each night with overwhelming motivation to “just do 10 press-ups each morning to get me back on track”. Then each morning, like clockwork, I wake up and have that silent agreement with myself to just not mention it and continue with my bacon sandwich.

I read that you get this bedtime motivation because your brain knows damn well it’s not going to happen right now and can deal with it in the morning, where it also won’t happen. Clever brain.

So to spite myself I went ahead and joined the gym.

A friend of mine was incredibly excited about this news, as this means he now has a young padawan to enforce techniques and increase ego upon. I was happy to oblige as I truly had no idea what I was doing.

It turns out that it’s pretty easy. It’s a lot of looking at your phone and flexing in the mirror mainly. The key is to have as many conversations with others about “what they bench” without actually having to lift anything at all. Then before you know it, it’s been a “great sesh” and home you go where again you have that silent agreement with yourself to just not mention the fact that you are wasting your money and not actually losing any weight.

You’re just left to wallow in what is the empty satisfaction that you are at least a member of a gym and even have the card to prove it!

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Published by Apparently I'm Obdurate

Rants & ramblings of an intolerable British arsehole.

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34 thoughts on “My problem with fitness today”

  2. Hello, there! Apparently, in my case, it would seem that my Body is Obdurate; not I. Seeing that I walk 3-6 Kilometres every day; my breakfast consists of about 3 tablespoonfuls of Oats, etc. But let me eat One Indian Sweet, or One teaspoonful of Peanut butter, my weight goes UP!

    In any case it is not coming down much from my 78-80, where I would like it to be 72.

    Joining Your team, should You form one! 🙂

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  6. Well, now that I have hit the half-century mark, I realize that my body, which once responded very positively to gym activities, running, and workouts, now seems completely uninterested in same. My metabolism turned in the keys to the machine and no matter what I do, unless I am also cutting calories out of my daily diet, I will not lose a pound. I do gain a bit of muscle and definition, but not as quickly or beautifully as I did just ten years ago. They say abs are made in the kitchen, and I get that. But I don’t really want abs–too much work and misery under these circumstances, and I have photos to prove that I once had them. Yeah, I don’t need abs, I just want to go down a size in my pants, look a bit better in photos, and not jiggle.

    Great post, btw!

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      1. Excellent. From now on, twice a week. It all depends on the instructors (I discriminate), location (1.5 km walk away), music (not too loud please), and timing that works for me.

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  14. Ah, yes! Tens sets of flexing and three sets of ten of staring at the phone. The only thing I would add is a few sets of staring at the hottie on the elliptical. After a workout like that, you deserve a whole party pack of tacos.

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